This is a no frills post. My computer is in the care of Apple, so I am posting via Sheila’s iPad. (For which I am grateful.)

I was, not too long ago, a girl who did not believe that she was worthy of love. And I saw God, in my mind’s eye, looking at me, when he did, with disdain. Even–I was certain of it–with disgust.

Somehow I held on, though it hurt very, very much to feel every single day that I was irredeemably flawed because I was not how I was “supposed” to be. After all, how could I be depressed and be a Christian?

And so my heart breaks for the young people who could not hold on.

I am grateful that I have recently found my way out of that dark tunnel of hopelessness. And so I believe that I am especially called to stand up for those who cannot defend themselves. I will not allow any space for prejudice or meanness or fear in my heart.

Because perfect love casts out all fear.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first. (1 John 4)

Even when I do not understand, even when I am not understood, I am called always, ever, without question, to love.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

This post is dedicated to my loving and generous friends, David and Joseph. You challenge and inspire me. Thank you for “holding on” with courage through the years and for sharing your unique beauty with the world.