I am simply putting in my time.
These days, starting at about 2:45 p.m., my body starts to shut down. Sensing that the sun’s given up on the day, it’s all I can do not to go straight to bed.
Seriously–even if I am not looking out a window–I can feel it. Call it a (not very helpful) spidey sense, if you will.
So I am sitting with the darkness and internal quiet for the time being. Even though I really don’t want to.
My whole body feels uncomfortable, often painful, and my senses are amplifying everything around me.
So I am trying to be patient, but I am not feeling very patient.
I’m counting the days (7)–actually, 175 hours from now–until the winter solstice, when the days will start to get longer again.
How I crave it.
I want to be living my LIFE right now. Instead, I’m hiding out in my office at home, hoping to not speak to or see anyone and definitely avoiding going out into that cold.
The problem is that I am so doggone tired. Which doesn’t render me hopeless, but does make me feel…
You know what I’m wishing, right now?
That someone would put a big pile of mashed potatoes and my mom’s dijon chicken in front of me.
Also fresh green beans from the garden, steamed and drizzled with butter, lemon and sea salt.
And Anna’s basil lime slushies with gin.
Classic carb and sugar cravings.
On top of everything else, I am certain to gain 30 lbs.
Which I’ll have to lose again in the spring.
Good thing I get it.
“It” is the fact that without darkness, there would be no light.
I can’t have one without the other.
Not if I want to live an intoxicating life, that is.
And I clearly do.
p.s. Sorry about this randomly written post. It’s all I can muster at the moment.